Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
