so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize