I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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