So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
