checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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