I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
