Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
