no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize