why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
