I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
