Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
