she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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