im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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