bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
