hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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