My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
