a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
