why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
