oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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