sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize