I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
