I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
this hospital has no fireball
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
