What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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