i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
