He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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