I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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