Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
