Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
