found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
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