Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
