i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
where am i from again
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
