If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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