what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think pants incapable of making pants work
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
