I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize