Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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