I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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