Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
