sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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