Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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