Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
operation have a gay friend backfired
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There r osticjed everywhere
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
