i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
His nipple licking is glorious
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