A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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