Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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