Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
