the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I lost the right to judge tonight
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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