Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
