But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
