We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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