guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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