Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
