That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
