you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
