drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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