so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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