Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
