it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
