nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
