You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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