They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
