??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
