I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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