Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
