So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
