I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
