Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
