I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
