Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
