yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
