you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
