Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
