so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
